I made a new song with my best mate, music and art soul mate Andy Clockwise. This song I wrote earlier this year. I wrote this song about a person who I wanted to be like. I will call him S. I admire him and his art and probably wish I were more like him than wanting to be with him. I never wanted him as a partner. The love was not in a possessive sort of way. I didn't want him to be my person. I wanted to be him. The day before I wrote this song he read to me from a book he is writing. I hope the book sees the light of day because then you would understand. 

ART OF HEALING

Art of healing. I've mastered it well. Its like riding in a raft through the rapid waters and I'm using a paddle to push through the water. I feel invincible these days, but that sort of cocky language seems to call someone trampling over you with steel boots. Here is a photo of my grandfather. He is a crow now, as he always has been. He died when my father was 5 but I felt him close even before I were born. We've probably lived more lifetimes together than I can count on my hand. This is how we mourn the death, we remember. How can you remember someone you've never even touched. Well I'll tell ya, its a feeling, he shows up when you least expect him. For me its during transitions, I see him a lot in Paris. Its probably because this is where I go to die and be reborn again. I've died here so many times now that each time I rise they call me Lazarus. They ring the bells for me, and call my name in their sleep. 

Train Ride from Whitley Bay to London

North sea,

the way i enjoyed the ocean

dark, brutal and your blood vessels constricting to the point of discomfort

I was 17. I was reading Kundera at the time.

Teresa and Tomas destroyed my life. I didn't know one could feel that amount of pain.  

the loneliness was comforting

the waves tossed me around, they say that the cold water wakes you

I believed it to the point of bathing every morning in the discomfort. 

Oh  you. You are my favorite sea. I want to live  beside you but I'm not ready yet. These things take time. My lust for you was instant but everyone around me says I should contain it. "Keep being inspired by it! But don't let the sea own you" they say. Spend your time in other bodies of water there are so many out there" Yes. there are. But I'd much rather be there sitting with you. Separate but knowing that you are there when I'm in need of the lighthouse. 

LAZARUS

You were in my dream yesterday, I followed you thru a maze, kind of like the one you described you wanted to recreate except this one wasn't filled with people, or smoke, or music, this one was nothing like the labryinth. I wanted to savor every single moment because i knew that when I woke up there would be no maze, no you, no laughter. I've dodged many bullets before, and still found myself wrapped in the maze, the maze we create for ourselves in this world, with speech and big hands. Not all saw thru themselves, many were caught in the web, you were unaware of it sometimes, because you genuinely just wanted someone to walk with. ... you were always waiting for someone to drive you home because you didn't find yourself well most of the time.

Some say, new year, new you, but new year new you is all the time, because your cells are always reforming and your bones are always remodeling.

where you once stood

 I wanna see you shine, deep in your blues, deep in your reds
there were many places that were impossible
but we know in which way we are to go,
i forgot what you look like  but i'm all ears
i sink with your spells, and your words, and all of your big beautiful fears
they crawled into my mouth
and I spoke highly of your name from the west to the east

SONG FOR THE HEALING

1. LA FORCE

2. SONG FOR THE HEALING 

LA FORCE 

Lights on the rope

telling you we're made alone

I'll tie red ribbons to the ghosts

its you who's on the run

red daggers angel dust

its you who's on the run

you're, the, saint, i'm dreaming of 

you're the saint, i'm dreaming of

in due time, we will live in the states

jumpin from train to train

but you cant keep yourself sane

its you who's on the run

red daggers angel dust

its you who's on the run

you're, the, saint, i'm dreaming of 

you're the saint, i'm dreaming of

SONG FOR THE HEALING 

A song, a song for the healing

I was still healing, 

you were so far

A song, a song for the working

it's never working

its been much too hard 

and I , I was just trying

to get you to wake again

to be wide awake

and I, I'm asleep by your doorway

maybe he'll wake again

he'll be wide awake

oh trouble, you were such trouble

when you were playing

your red guitar

and what,

what I would do

I'd get on my knees again

to hear you sing again

and I , I was just trying

to get you to wake again

to be wide awake

and I, I'm asleep by your doorway

maybe he'll wake again

he'll be wide awake

THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH

 no hay que seguir las estrellas como religiones----